What Memorial Day Means to Me Now

For many, the Memorial Day holiday evokes images of the meticulously maintained grounds of Arlington National Cemetery, Normandy, flags, and uniformed servicemen and women (often in their formal attire with white gloves). These are powerful and humbling scenes and we owe a debt of gratitude for the sacrifices made. Memorial Day is a time to pause and remember; however, it's also a day to engage in American traditions. Barbecues, swimming pools, and relaxation are all part of the comforts and freedoms that have been fought for, representing the American way of life.

I reside in a small town where the downtown streets feature curbside parking, quaint old storefronts, and utility poles adorned with American flags all year, not just on holidays. I wasn't born or raised in this town; my accent reveals that. As one of five children brought up as a U.S. Army dependent, I find it difficult to answer when people ask where I'm from.

As a child, I believed I had a typical upbringing. We didn't have as much as many other kids, but we also never lacked essentials; we were never hungry, our clothes were always clean, and with five of us, there was always someone to play with or tease. We seemed to have a lot of friends whose fathers worked in embassy mailrooms or as air traffic controllers. As an adult, I've pieced it all together. Now, when we reconnect as adults with a clearer understanding of our fathers' careers during our childhood friendships, we laugh; DEA agents, surveillance pilots, state department interpreters, espionage. It's like a mystery novel, and it explains why we were sometimes followed when we roamed around as a group of American teens living in Europe. We only noticed occasionally, so they must have been better at some times than others, or perhaps it was the alcohol.

My dad began his career as an Ordnance Corps Officer in the U.S. Army, while my two uncles served during the Vietnam and Korean wars; all three later moved into civilian professions. They were all true patriots: one was the first U.S. military laser expert who developed the radar signatures currently used by the FAA and airlines for safe air travel; another patriot secured several patents, including environmental alarm systems for the petroleum industry; the third patriot served in Africa before returning to work in the food industry.

dnance Officer, my two uncles each served during the Vietnam and Korean wars; all three transitioned to civilian careers. All were true Patriots: one the first U.S military laser expert who created the radar signatures used by FAA and all airlines today for safe air travel; another patriot developed several patents including environmental alarm systems used in the petroleum industry; the third patriot served in Africa and returned home to work in the food industry.

I lost my Uncle Ed in August (it's hard to believe it's been almost a year) after a home invasion left him battered and unconscious. Although he did not pass away alone—I held his hand and he was coherent when we arrived—he had suffered alone for many days before being discovered. By the time my mom and I got there, he had been moved to the UMC ICU and was on life support, with little hope for improvement. With his healthcare directives in hand, we shared them with the medical staff, and our hearts sank. We all agreed on their interpretation and followed his wishes; it was the right decision, but it still haunts me. He was a U.S. Marine Captain, a combat veteran, a marathon runner, and a retired Exxon Mobil Patent Attorney. He will be laid to rest with military honors at Arlington National Cemetery on Tuesday, August 18th, unless another postponement occurs due to COVID-19.

I lost my father on December 27th. He had been successfully undergoing immunotherapy for melanoma for four years when we received the devastating diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. We were still adjusting to the loss of Ed, and now we faced the inevitable loss of my dad within the next year or so. We believed we had more time than we actually did; we ended up with only four brief but memory-filled months. I didn't change any of my habits; I always told my dad I loved him, argued passionately, sought his wisdom, learned from his lessons, and continue to strive daily to meet his high standards of intellect and work ethic. I miss him every day... still. He will also be laid to rest with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery on Monday, August 17th, unless there's another postponement due to COVID-19.

I lost my Uncle John on May 12th due to respiratory complications from COVID-19. He had served in the U.S. Air Force during the Korean War in Africa and was very involved with the Boy Scouts of America. He and my aunt visited North Carolina in November, and we shared many laughs and quality family time. We suspected it might be the last time he could see Dad, but we never imagined it would be our final visit with him... life is so precious. He was my favorite uncle, and as a child, I would cuddle with him. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend his burial yesterday, May 23rd.

This Memorial Day holiday is quite bittersweet; not primarily due to the quarantine, as I am surrounded by my beloved family and children. Yet, I am grappling with the absence of my dad and reflecting on the service of these three courageous men and their unquestioning dedication to their country. I have never taken this for granted; I have always recognized the value and sacrifices of bravery made for our nation. However, in the past year, the significance has profoundly changed for me, as it is now a time for memories OF my patriots rather than a holiday shared WITH them. Oh boy, July 4th is next, which is also mom and dad's wedding anniversary...wish us luck! August will be an emotionally charged time for the family if we manage to proceed with the current plans to lay both Uncle Ed and Dad to rest in Arlington. It's ironic that they both served within six miles of each other in Vietnam and now await their final resting places close together. Memories...make good memories, everyone, as there's no chance for a do-over. Cheers!